APB....

WARNING:

I am PERSONALLY putting out an APB (All Points Bulletin) on THIS MAN!!

(Don't you smile at me, mister!)

Yeah, he LOOKS nice enough. But he's a MAD man! And I would go so far as to consider him ARMED & DANGEROUS! So if you see him in your travels (he could be ANYWHERE)...DO NOT approach him...don't even look his direction. Trust me....I KNOW!!!

He will not look like the picture above when you see him. He may actually look a little something like this: (you may also see part of me in the background....oh, wait, that's not me...sorry) keep reading.

He's a MAD man I tell you...a MAD MAN!!!

Earlier this week, at the coaxing of my dear friend, Stacey, she and I, along with some other friends joined a cult. You may have heard of it... What is WRONG with this man? What is wrong with the masses of, formerly sane people who follow him? What is wrong with ME???

I took my very first Tae*bo class this past Monday. At a CHURCH of all places. One would think that a man as EVIL as Mr. Blanks would never be found in a church. But there he was...up on those HUGE white screens, with his shiny bald head, rock hard abs, taped up hands and a big ole smile on his face!

All was well until the words, "Taebo Live - ADVANCED" popped up on the screen. Hold on a second...Advanced? But wait...this is only my FIRST class! Personally, I don't think he knows me well enough to say that our relationship is now ADVANCED.

What kinda girl had he heard I am? So what I haven't lost the baby weight from my first pregnancy...22+ years ago. So what I haven't worked out in almost 6 months. So WHAT, Stacey asked me to do this over a week ago and I hadn't had "time" (due to sleeping in)! These, my friends, are NOT reasons to suggest an ADVANCED meeting.

And as if "ADVANCED" wasn't enough...he has this really strange way of making you "do" things that you wouldn't normally do. He says things like,"OK...DOUBLE time!" Double time? Isn't that something you get paid when you work on Sundays? OH NO...not to Mr. Blanks. To him, it simply means, "remember that one thing I JUST showed you how to do with your leg kicking straight out to the side, as you balance on your other leg, while punching vigorously....do it TWICE as fast!" I'm sorry folks, the man is CRAZY! Oh, and "one more time", really means EIGHT more times! You'd think that a man as popular as he has become, would know that "one more time" is simply that...ONE more time! Sheesh!

Mr. Blanks and I spent a little over an hour together on Monday morning, after my husband went to work (yes, I said MORNING). I'm sure he's a really nice guy and everything...but I'm not sure he's the type of guy I should be spending time with. I mean, you should see how he makes me sweat! And I'm much too much of a lady to let this continue. Ok, I went back yesterday...but still! :-) Yesterday, he was nice enough to make us think that we'd have a nice morning lounging on mats on the floor. But really, is a body supposed to bend like that?

I am currently experiencing aches and pains in places on my body that I didn't know I had. I've given birth to 2 children. And not even that pain compares to this. Do you know how hard it is to get in your vehicle and not be able to turn around to back out of the driveway, without moaning in agony? DO YOU?!?!? Have you ever longed to bend down to kiss your 5 year old and not have to ask her to help you stand back upright? I use to be able to do these things...but not anymore. And turning to a new sleeping position in bed without screaming...FORGET about it!

People, I beg you...at ALL costs, stay away from him this SLAVE driver! He will work you...he will make your muscles burn like an inferno...he will show you the real meaning of "double time"! And from what I've seen, he will also help you look AWESOME!

But, don't ya'll fret none...I, for one, have learned my lesson...I am NEVER going back again...NEVER!

At least not until Monday morning! LOL