Thursday, January 28, 2010

....Oh, I'm sorry about that...

...sorry about what, you may ask? Well, here's the thing...I am a self-proclaimed peace keeper!  However, I'm not convinced that that's necessarily a good thing.

Just recently, I had an exchange of messages with someone I consider to be a friend of mine (she knows who she is). And in those messages, I mentioned how I'd been trying to reach her and hadn't heard back from her. Long story short, I came to the conclusion that she was upset with me about something (I didn't even know what it could've been), so I "apologized" to her in the hopes of "rekindling" the friendship. She replied by saying, that I had absolutely not upset her. It was simply that she hadn't checked her messages in a while and/or she'd been busy.  That's understandable and makes since to me.

Of course I was glad to hear that.  However, I then started to question myself. "Now why do I do that?" "Why do I assume that situations (most of which are out of my control) are MY fault?"

I consider myself to be a pretty sympathetic and empathetic person.  I am also aware that I am a VERY emotional person.  It takes VERY little to make me cry or get "into" the emotion of a situation. I mean, I can be watching TV and a touching commercial comes on...and I will cry! Or at a minimum, I feel myself start to "well up".

Mister M. use to get on me about being this way. He'd often question why I was sorry or apologizing for something I had no control over. I mean, it could be something as ridiculous as me apologizing because it rained during a birthday party or something, lol. That's not MY fault!! But I FEEL sorry that it happened, know what I mean?  Other natural disasters...those are not my fault either. But I'm sorry about it. I am also an emotional person on the other side of the spectrum. I cry at weddings...I cry when a baby is born...I cry when I get flowers...and I cry when other people cry (sometimes).

There was a time, early in my marriage that if Mister M ever got upset with me about something, I'd apologize for it...whether it was my fault or not. I guess that was my way of trying to keep the peace. I do NOT like people to be upset with me. I do NOT like to make people angry. And I can NOT fight, LOL!  Maybe this is where it all stems from. I CAN'T fight! So I feel it's better to keep the peace, so to speak, so that I won't have to defend myself in a fist fight, LOL.

I dunno, this is just something I've often wondered about myself. What's really crazy is, I'm pretty sure that even though I have gotten my thoughts about this OUT in writing, I probably won't change. It's a part of my character. I wear my emotions/feelings right out there on my sleeve. I'm a very REAL person and I don't mind showing how I feel about things. As long as it doesn't upset anyone else, of course :-). What's funny is, I find that most people are caught off guard by my apologies or my emotional display. Simply because, like I said, it was out of my control. I guess I don't LOOK like I'd be an emotional person.

Yep, I'm one of those people who wants peace and equality around the world :-).  I don't think that's too much to ask!

Ok, now ya'll have read about one of my "issues". Do YOU have a little "oddity" about yourself that you'd like to share? Is there something about your "character" that you question? Do you ever wonder, "Why do I do that?" Or "Why am I that way?"  

Lie down on my "virtual" leather couch and let's discuss it...I'm listening :-).  But beware, I may cry and apologize for it....

Sorry, for rambling and dumping on ya'll. See, I did it again.... ;-D


Brown English Muffin said...

Oh this is sooo me...I'm a libran the scales everything must be fair, must be peaceful....I'm always apologizing to Big C about something or nothing and he always asks "why are you apologizing!!!"

btw Big C has been out sick since Christmas due to his diabetes and legs swelling and pain in general...that's why he hasn't made it to your dads as yet. Just wanted to let you know.

Lynilu said...

Oh, I get that, Dawn. Most of the world is divided into two groups: People who take the blame for everything and people who blame everything on everyone but themselves. There are a few in between, but not a lot. I'm in the same group with you. You'd think we believe ourselves to be very powerful, wouldn't you, that we can cause that much angst in the rest of the world? That fact is helping me move away from self blame. Of course, I have to remember to analyze it with that idea before the tears come up from the self-flagellating. That is a real challenge.

Keep working on it! I think we are both very special, but not THAT important!

Adrienne said...

I totally get it! I'm sometimes TOO forgiving. I know you are supposed to forgive, but people will try and take advantage of that.

Charisse said...

I wonder alot of the time why I listen to everyone else's problems and then don't discuss my own. I am always that shoulder for everyone else, but can't rely on anyone for my own. I always say to myself, "Didn't you call them to vent, now you've heard all about their problems and didnt say a word about yours."

Leah said...

I totally get it Dawn, I'm very much the same way, especially the emotional part. I cry sooo easily. Sometimes it's very frustrating and then other times it's easier to realize this is just me!