...sorry about what, you may ask? Well, here's the thing...I am a self-proclaimed peace keeper! However, I'm not convinced that that's necessarily a good thing.
Just recently, I had an exchange of messages with someone I consider to be a friend of mine (she knows who she is). And in those messages, I mentioned how I'd been trying to reach her and hadn't heard back from her. Long story short, I came to the conclusion that she was upset with me about something (I didn't even know what it could've been), so I "apologized" to her in the hopes of "rekindling" the friendship. She replied by saying, that I had absolutely not upset her. It was simply that she hadn't checked her messages in a while and/or she'd been busy. That's understandable and makes since to me.
Of course I was glad to hear that. However, I then started to question myself. "Now why do I do that?" "Why do I assume that situations (most of which are out of my control) are MY fault?"
I consider myself to be a pretty sympathetic and empathetic person. I am also aware that I am a VERY emotional person. It takes VERY little to make me cry or get "into" the emotion of a situation. I mean, I can be watching TV and a touching commercial comes on...and I will cry! Or at a minimum, I feel myself start to "well up".
Mister M. use to get on me about being this way. He'd often question why I was sorry or apologizing for something I had no control over. I mean, it could be something as ridiculous as me apologizing because it rained during a birthday party or something, lol. That's not MY fault!! But I FEEL sorry that it happened, know what I mean? Other natural disasters...those are not my fault either. But I'm sorry about it. I am also an emotional person on the other side of the spectrum. I cry at weddings...I cry when a baby is born...I cry when I get flowers...and I cry when other people cry (sometimes).
There was a time, early in my marriage that if Mister M ever got upset with me about something, I'd apologize for it...whether it was my fault or not. I guess that was my way of trying to keep the peace. I do NOT like people to be upset with me. I do NOT like to make people angry. And I can NOT fight, LOL! Maybe this is where it all stems from. I CAN'T fight! So I feel it's better to keep the peace, so to speak, so that I won't have to defend myself in a fist fight, LOL.
I dunno, this is just something I've often wondered about myself. What's really crazy is, I'm pretty sure that even though I have gotten my thoughts about this OUT in writing, I probably won't change. It's a part of my character. I wear my emotions/feelings right out there on my sleeve. I'm a very REAL person and I don't mind showing how I feel about things. As long as it doesn't upset anyone else, of course :-). What's funny is, I find that most people are caught off guard by my apologies or my emotional display. Simply because, like I said, it was out of my control. I guess I don't LOOK like I'd be an emotional person.
Yep, I'm one of those people who wants peace and equality around the world :-). I don't think that's too much to ask!
Ok, now ya'll have read about one of my "issues". Do YOU have a little "oddity" about yourself that you'd like to share? Is there something about your "character" that you question? Do you ever wonder, "Why do I do that?" Or "Why am I that way?"
Lie down on my "virtual" leather couch and let's discuss it...I'm listening :-). But beware, I may cry and apologize for it....
Sorry, for rambling and dumping on ya'll. See, I did it again.... ;-D
11 years ago
