Thursday, August 30, 2007

APB....

WARNING:
I am PERSONALLY putting out an APB (All Points Bulletin) on THIS MAN!!

(Don't you smile at me, mister!)

Yeah, he LOOKS nice enough. But he's a MAD man! And I would go so far as to consider him ARMED & DANGEROUS! So if you see him in your travels (he could be ANYWHERE)...DO NOT approach him...don't even look his direction. Trust me....I KNOW!!!

He will not look like the picture above when you see him. He may actually look a little something like this: (you may also see part of me in the background....oh, wait, that's not me...sorry) keep reading.

He's a MAD man I tell you...a MAD MAN!!!

Earlier this week, at the coaxing of my dear friend, Stacey, she and I, along with some other friends joined a cult. You may have heard of it... What is WRONG with this man? What is wrong with the masses of, formerly sane people who follow him? What is wrong with ME???

I took my very first Tae*bo class this past Monday. At a CHURCH of all places. One would think that a man as EVIL as Mr. Blanks would never be found in a church. But there he was...up on those HUGE white screens, with his shiny bald head, rock hard abs, taped up hands and a big ole smile on his face!

All was well until the words, "Taebo Live - ADVANCED" popped up on the screen. Hold on a second...Advanced? But wait...this is only my FIRST class! Personally, I don't think he knows me well enough to say that our relationship is now ADVANCED.

What kinda girl had he heard I am? So what I haven't lost the baby weight from my first pregnancy...22+ years ago. So what I haven't worked out in almost 6 months. So WHAT, Stacey asked me to do this over a week ago and I hadn't had "time" (due to sleeping in)! These, my friends, are NOT reasons to suggest an ADVANCED meeting.

And as if "ADVANCED" wasn't enough...he has this really strange way of making you "do" things that you wouldn't normally do. He says things like,"OK...DOUBLE time!" Double time? Isn't that something you get paid when you work on Sundays? OH NO...not to Mr. Blanks. To him, it simply means, "remember that one thing I JUST showed you how to do with your leg kicking straight out to the side, as you balance on your other leg, while punching vigorously....do it TWICE as fast!" I'm sorry folks, the man is CRAZY! Oh, and "one more time", really means EIGHT more times! You'd think that a man as popular as he has become, would know that "one more time" is simply that...ONE more time! Sheesh!

Mr. Blanks and I spent a little over an hour together on Monday morning, after my husband went to work (yes, I said MORNING). I'm sure he's a really nice guy and everything...but I'm not sure he's the type of guy I should be spending time with. I mean, you should see how he makes me sweat! And I'm much too much of a lady to let this continue. Ok, I went back yesterday...but still! :-) Yesterday, he was nice enough to make us think that we'd have a nice morning lounging on mats on the floor. But really, is a body supposed to bend like that?

I am currently experiencing aches and pains in places on my body that I didn't know I had. I've given birth to 2 children. And not even that pain compares to this. Do you know how hard it is to get in your vehicle and not be able to turn around to back out of the driveway, without moaning in agony? DO YOU?!?!? Have you ever longed to bend down to kiss your 5 year old and not have to ask her to help you stand back upright? I use to be able to do these things...but not anymore. And turning to a new sleeping position in bed without screaming...FORGET about it!

People, I beg you...at ALL costs, stay away from him this SLAVE driver! He will work you...he will make your muscles burn like an inferno...he will show you the real meaning of "double time"! And from what I've seen, he will also help you look AWESOME!

But, don't ya'll fret none...I, for one, have learned my lesson...I am NEVER going back again...NEVER!

At least not until Monday morning! LOL

15 comments:

Adrienne said...

ROFLOL!!!! I spend three days a week with this man! LOL, it gets better after the first MONTH! LOL

Amy Mae said...

Ok...I have to say...FUN-NEA! Wish I could join in the cult with you ladies. I sure could use some fat burning workouts. Although, then I would not be able to back out of my driveway either...hmm. I might have to rethink that. Anyway, Have fun and rock on! Stay with it and you will have a superb body too!

Stacey said...

Oh Dawn, you know you love it! Just bring you gallon jug of water and I'll see you there again on Monday!

Susie Q said...

You are a total hoot today dear Dawn. I am sitting here laughing out loud.
I would join your cult but I have taken an oath of fatness and lethargy. It is a sacred oath. I can not break it without much pain and torture. Yup. Pain. AND torture.

Seriously, it sounds like fun...I bet you slay all the other worker outers, and that IS the actual name for them you know.

Love,
Sue

Cheryl Wray said...

LOL!!!!!!!

I actually did some of these tapes years ago. Gary and I both did it, which was a hoot!!!

But I haven't been back to visit this MadMan for years. Maybe I should, though, since I've been eating too much cake lately!!!!

patti_cake said...

Hilarious! My sister did ta#bo and had the same complaints you did.. and she's a wee bit older than you too! Keep at it Dawn - worth the results!

Jude said...

Oh yes, I know exactly how you feel...LOL. Hope you recover and I will definitely be on the look out should that man appear near me anytime soon!

ScrappinMyRoots said...

LOL!!! You are to funny Dawn!!!

Hang in there.

Lynilu said...

Every time I get "inspired" and begin an exercise program, I wonder about my sanity. Perhaps next time I decide to do something good for my body I should schedule an appointment with a psychotherapist, too, just to keep a balance!

Renee said...

Girl, you are too funny. I have been told that the pain gets better after a few weeks.

Briyanna said...

HA HA HA HA!!!

TanishaRenee said...

Girl, you're too funny! Billy is serious! BTW, thanks for the comments on my LOs as for the waves on the "Splish" LO, I drew them freehand and created a shakerbox for the "S" in the title. You can always email me anytime, I think it's hooked up to blogger...let me check!

Gretchen said...

Poor baby girl! I agree! He isn't to be trusted. But think how strong you'll be soon, to fight him off! :) Great post. I hope your Labor Day Weekend with your family (and especially Markell) was fun. xxxooogretchen

Brown English Muffin said...

ROFLOL...I wish I could go with you!!!

Lo said...

So did you get paid for going through that torture? haha... it seems like we should get paid for going through that type of treatment. I actually did Tae- Bo back in the day....

Funny enough, yesterday was the first day for me to jog (I use that word lightly) since baby clo, and let me tell you. Today when I bent down to get her, I needed a minute to get back up. It's funny how our bodies work :) I'm still laughing by the way...